由于公司电脑痤的不像是本世纪产物，又由于此空间的习惯性死机，本人正式将blog迁往以下地址http://keble124.blog.163.com/要踩的要烦得放马过来吧。。。 

我已经不记得有多少个世纪没有更新自己的日志了，其间发生了好多事情。

首先，我毕业了！！~~~四年终于还是结束了，我的好日子到头了。Dios Mio!!~~~

其次，我工作了，虽然没有正式开始上班，不过也快了。我终于要开始赚钱了，只是不知道自己赚的钱会不会够花。。。哈哈

再次，要和妹妹分开了，一起呆了七年的说，以后就是我在南京她在苏州了，好不方便。。。

再再次，前一阵子爷爷去世了，好受打击的说，虽然表面上没什么，但是还是会很不爽，难得我终于要挣钱孝敬他了都没机会。。。

没什么了，下次再说吧。。。。

今天是除夕夜，外边现在正是鞭炮热闹的时候，刚吃完年夜饭又大了一岁了，确切地说是又老了一岁了。

现在真的觉得超级没话讲，更新博客也不知道要写什么。不写了。。。

几万年没有更新博客了，哈哈，写点东西吧。昨天晚上去陆那边看球了，和妹妹一起Arsenal VS Chelsea结果一比一，总算是能接受得结果。好歹阿森纳用的是可以算二队的阵容。还是希望Henry早点养好伤，还有罗西基。对！昨天那解说的版本正tm别拗。什么昂立，旺热。。。天那，我无语了。今天mm回家了，接下来十几天我得自个儿过了，埃~~~~苦命，考研！！！！没几天了，鼎鼎就过了好久不写没话可写了，昏。。。算了，不说了。。。

Yesterday was the 50th anniversary of the establishing of Nanjing University of Economy and Finance. Although I am not a student there, I took part in the celebrating activity and it turned out a disaster...

Fisrt of all, I would like to talk something about the meals. I was told in the morning that we were going to have a fantastic lunch, however, when I hurried there at about 11:00 am(still a little bit early for lunch) I was astonished by the crowd, it seemed that the lunch is for free. Actually, it was kind of free, for each student in the college got 8 yuan for lunch, the trouble some fact was that they were supposed to use it only during lunchtime, it would be expired as soon as lunchtime was over. And then I found some of the most brilliant minds of our lives. Some student grouped together and all got their assignment and cooperated to gather a gorgeous meal, some other were waiting at the department that selling bread and milk. Don't think they enjoyed these things for lunch, they just wanted to get some storage. Which was more frightening was that some of the students were not at school, as thus their part of the money was really out of supply, everybody wanted more, and the friendships seems not so important while they confronted with money. All kinds of tricks were played on and on. After more than 30 minutes of waiting I got my fried chicken, which would cost me no more than 3 minute in usual time. I had never known that there could be so many student in this univesity, yet under the temptation of free lunch, they all gathered here and scrambled for their share of food. It looked like the refugees in the shelter... I don't know whether it's appropriate or not to describe it this way, but after such a disastrous lunch this is the only thing I can ever think about...

Let me talk about something else, Arsenal, yes, made a draw yesterday, after 5 successive win, oh damn it... and Rooney goaled at length... Barcelona wined, Yahoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!~ I sound like a sportnews reporter, right? What's more? Aguero!! My new favorate!!~~so cute, a really starlet of the Argentina and Madrid Athletics!!!~~

I'm really pissed off recently, for everything I do, I made mistakes. It seems that, whatever I do, I get lost. I am about to graduate from university, this may count for all the miseries I've been through lately. To apply for further education or get to work, I've been obsessed with this question for quite some time. It is not the first time that I need to make decision of my own all by myself. From Junior school to university, I made all the choice all by myself. My parents never gave me any guidance as if it had nothing to do with them, to be more exactly, as if I were not their daughter. They didn't give me any suggestion this time neither. When I was talking with them about my future they always told me that it was all up to me, it was my future not theirs, I just need to do what I think is necessary. I followed their suggestion too this time, for several days of hard thinking, I decided to further study. And in order to concentrate on the examination, I gave up the chance to apply for the teacher's post which enraged my father. I can heard him snarling over my mother's voice through the phone as if his mad. He shouted that I was letting chances slip away one after another, I should end up jobless at home. I was really confused and furious that I couldn't help sobing. It was he who told me to make my own choice, it was he who told me to apply for graduate school, it was still he who told me to find a job. He took all these for granted that one can easily do all these things simultaneously and has a fairly good outcome. It was imposible and ridiculous, I am NOT an A student, I am NOT clever enough to achieve all these missions. All that I can do is just take one direction and keep on moving. The most unacceptable thing is that, when I asked him, he didn't made any comments, and afterwards, when I decided what to do he just came and told me off like that. He didn't even aware that how irresponsible he was. Apart from money, there is nothing I can expect from him.

I'm very very pissed off...

I've in a bad mood for a long time, especially after I returning home. I can't tell why or how, I just hate everything around me, and at the same time isolate myself from my surroundings. I enclosed myself in my room all day long, didn't even go down stairs. Of course this caused some kind of physical problems, one of them is that my thigh becomes numb more quickly than ever before as long as I sit somewhere for a while. Realizing this I started to take a walk every night after the sunset. Here rises the problem, I don't have enough money... This seems to be pretty irrelevant to the problem, however, I take it as one of my biggest problem. This afternoon, I was supposed to go for a riding in the countryside with my best friends, but since I've not got the money, I stayed at home, I don't wanna borrow hers, I'm done with that!! I remembered days before my father talked to me about buying a PC which I was dying for(I dare not to tell him just in case he could be sad for not being able to afford one...). I feel terrible this afternoon, I always believe in that it doesn't matter what family background you have, all that matters is your attitude towards life, anyway, I cannot be that optimistic anymore. As I growing up I became more and more realistic and cynical, maybe. You can not be as equal as a child raised in a wealthy family, and when you talking with them, you'll have a strong sense of classes. I used to pretend to understand what they are saying and express my ideas, then, after a long run of frustration, I gave in. I got tire of these things and I don't want to be a stupid follower to comfort other people's taste. All I want to do is to keep away from them, to save my own head easy and I feel safe. I firmly believed that the nature of our souls are longliness. It is only you can understand yourself, anyone else can not undertake the task for they are not raised in a evironment exactly like yours. I still in a stage of mess, I cannot yet handle longliness, so it has been so disturbing. But I'm trying so hard, someday I'll overcome it

and live all by myself.

看了120分钟终于赢了，阿根廷不愧是强队阿。。。不过墨西哥也好可惜

一晚上不睡值了，看得我提心吊胆的唉...不过接下来日子更不好过，德国阿！！！！

Messi搞到80分钟才上场，还我苦等，不过这人还真不是一般的懒，在场上认他最容易了，慢悠悠走的那个就是。不过好在一碰球就马上改头换面，加速超快。开始表现是一般拉，不过后来三个小个子的配合确实很帅，还是技术含量高的球比较有看头，不过没发挥什么太大的作用，希望接下来会有好的表现，要得最佳新人的话离Valencia还差得远呢，加油加油！！！！今天上午还要考日语呢，死了，考完了回来睡觉。。。

世界杯害人那！！！！！

阿根廷下一场是30号可以在家看电视了，我已经受够了网上的转播了要人命啊。。。今晚又想看球了，完了，我不用考试了，不过荷兰哪！！！荷兰！！怎么能不看呢！！！没记错的话后天是意大利巴，又得熬夜了，天哪！！！！！！！！！

最近日子过得晕头转向的，罪魁祸首就是世界杯，害我睡眠严重不足，今天早晨5点才睡。晚睡就别去说了，那也让我看场好球嘛，看得我乱郁闷，意大利真是，还防守反击呢我怎么觉着光防守没反击就由着老美在门前狂轰滥炸。。。唉不说了，还是说点开心点的事。

前天阿根廷的比赛那叫一个爽，进球进出惯性来了。这还得了！！的儿，6比0。这还不是重点，关键是让我认识了梅西，才上场十五分钟就一次助攻（进了）加一个进球，帅阿！！！最可贵的是人家超低调又害羞，但眼神里就是透着一股可靠和自信。而且很平静，初登世界杯舞台还无紧张的迹象。总之他的Debut是够完美了拉，就像阿根廷那场比赛一样完美。。。哪像某小小罗唯一进球还是同伴让给她的点球，不光爱献，还一点集体感都没有，白白浪费好多机会，不改改者死样前途在我看来不是太大，多向队友老将菲戈学着点吧，不要只知道自己表现。。。

不过我终于又找到了看阿根廷踢球的动力，原来觉得巴蒂不在了会好无聊的说，现在不会了，Messi，我就看你表现了。。。

昨天中场休息没事干去FIFA晃了一圈，正好在评最佳新人进去凑了下热闹。不用说，当然是投票给Messi罗，看了下统计居然是的三，小小罗居然还排他前面，无语。。。大家是不是眼神不好啊。。。还有一个是巴拉圭的新人，目前排第一，没看过他的比赛不知实力如何

先扯这么点了，我的考试注定要完蛋了，语言学什么都没看呢，要不及格了，救命啊！！！。。。

昨天体能测试天哪~~~我不要秤体重！！！！！~~又肥了555，我都124了，完了现在真是什么都是124了，生日也是体重也是唉。八百米跑了倒2真辉煌，跑完吃了个饭就被Babujibura拉去买手机，唉一个下午，接着又去湖南路买鞋子又是一晚上，最后上了公车的时候是脚痛加头痛。不过买了不少碟活活，没白去，Norton的碟哦！！~~~那帮子花痴也开始喜欢Norton了，终于有人可以交流了，真是。。。然后就是，这个月又没饭吃了T_T。。。晚上还帮Babujibura录了手机声超傻B唉最近迷上椎名的歌了，不过好吵得说，不说了

今天到校了，家里日子过真快，不知不觉我没觉睡的日子结束了，到了学校才发现一对作业天哪！！~~~整人那，都几岁了，又不是小学生还这么多作业毛病啊！！！~~~算了，今晚又不能早睡了哭。。。。。。。。。。

这两天看了杀破狼和七剑，突然对甄子丹颇有好感，其实个人觉得他长得是还行啦只是身高实在是有点~~~~不过整体来看，他给人的感觉就两个字`可靠`让人很有安全感的那种，有时候看看还挺有味道了，毕竟也是有点岁数的人了。。。

前两天哪篇日志Babujibura看了之后认为我很无聊，说是没什么建设性，什么实质的东西都没写。其实有时候我也没办法啦，心里憋得慌总得找个地方发泄把，而且也只是随便扯扯嘛。。。算了，以后多写写有建设性的就是了，不过多长时间写一次还是个问题呢哈哈哈，不说了，搞作业了。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。

想见识下什么叫真正的人间地狱就去敬老院参观一下，绝对是个Shocking experience!!!!

还没走进去就发现这地方和刚才穿过的明清街完全是两回事，街上要多挤有多挤而这头的敬老院却是往死里静，走廊两边稀稀拉拉的老人弓着背漫无目的的晃，搞得跟僵尸的黎明一样，而且一个个还都一声不吭的玩诡异~~~人群中就有我今天访问的目标之一———外公。不知道是这地方天天没人讲话不需要听力还是什么的，居然一个个都是听不清楚说不出话，跟他交流真叫心电感应，只可惜本人从小没和他一起过过几年，怎么感就是感不出什么东西。。。算了，找我外婆说去。走进房间本以为找到个可以交流的了，结果又是一哑巴，说了半天只有辅音没有原音鬼才听得懂。。。汗死。。。再说了，进房间看到那景象也是触目惊心，窗口一个老人坐在轮椅上脑袋瓜在一边，两脚扭曲度非人所能想象，这就算了，一走近居然还有厚厚一群苍蝇从她身上飞走，不知道的还以为这儿是不是有腐尸呢。。。恶~！~

类似的事情数不胜数，篇幅问题本人就不一一列举了，总之，一句话，人老了真不值钱，做子女的要负点责任的话还是不要把父母送这种地方去，回家告诉我爸，回了我一句：“反正我到时抹脖子。。。”虽然这是偏激了点，唉，也不失为一个方法。。。算了，不扯了

今天下午的日语课让我又想起了前一阵子一直绕在我脑袋里的问题，受了这么多年的教育，自己究竟变成了什么？？有点可笑的问题，但是更可笑的是这么多年我一直想当然的认为世界就是这个样子的，其实呢？谁知道。。。幼儿园就知道有马克思这么个人，小学接触了他的什么什么主义，中学更是开始猛灌他的思想，心里并不清楚那是什么，只是觉得没什么意思，也不是很懂，考试照搬就好了。不知不觉居然一直在不断的持续着精神自杀，高中三年的狂轰乱炸令自己深信不疑唯物主义是唯一的真理，还通过各种途径寻找证据来巩固自己的观点，总是认为物质的东西是最实在的可以把握的，相信唯心论的人是可笑的，甚至完全无法理解为什么有人那么不切实际回去相信精神的力量。。。在制度的操纵之下生活了这么久，无意中已经不可避免的成了制度的傀儡。其实那并没有什么大不了的，对于什么都不知道的人反而是件幸福的事，正是那些意识到自己的无力，愚蠢，无关紧要和受人摆布的人会觉得异常悲哀。。。对于Idealism新的认识彻底击溃了原先的价值体系及世界观，现在已经没有一个明确的方向了只是有种Lost in the lies的感觉，其实也没什么好说的，现在知道闭嘴的必要了。。。

已经不期望能找到Truth了，只希望能活在自己的现实里。。。

When I was just about to get mad at my space for I could not add any music to it, I nailed it accidentally. And I used one of my favourite ones "Theatre of tragidy". By one Goth Metal Band from the north Europe. I've been addicted to goth metal recently, it's kind of rock with slow rhythm usually combined with soprano. Just as the name, goth metal reminds me of the art style of the Dark Age. The music creates a sense of gloom and some sort of sacred. It has a strong taste of religious kind of things. I think Evanescence's music resembles to it the most in style, which I also like very much...I tried doom metal before, it turned out pretty disappointing. I don't like the way of the screaming and the rhythm...

 

 

The first time I saw "fight club" I concluded that it's a story about self-destruction of a schizophrenic, and the second time I got the idea that to be who you want to be, not who you forced to be, and the third time, I paid attention to every single word. After that I got

an overwhelming sensation that I should write something down. The movie, full of ideas about anti-consumerism, anti-society and anti-everything, however, after all, the film want to send us a message that is be yourself, do what you like to do, and don't be a slave to material things, just like Tyler said,"the things you own, end up owning you." The way by which the director delivered this message is pretty impressive, fighting, bleeding, explosion, killing, suicide and so on... Anyway I consider this film some kind of guidance. I think it's time for every one of us to think about the problem seriously, who we really are and who we really want to be. We all live in a peace age, unlike the war times, in which individual life is not so important while compared to the whole nation's destiny, the most important thing nowadays, instead, is idividual development. People all live in a seemingly harmonious society, no famine, no extermination, but "when too many people take that for granted, something's horrible's gonna happen. " The modern lifestyle seems to ignore the inner problem of mankind, namely, our spiritual development couldn't keep the pace to our material life. The media is probably the most useful invention for us to communicate and learn information, meanwhile, it is also the most powerful destruction to our mental life. Mass media spreads aims of life, prescribes the style of our life, and take away the diversified living attitude towards life. It convinces us that the two story mansion is the place to live in, BMW is the car to drive, and khaki is the clothes to wear. It's funny that most of us just followed that direction eagerly. But remember, you're not how much

money you have in your bank account, you're not the clothes you wear, in one word you're yourself. I remembered one song I've heard before "live for rent", it was by Dido. I feel like we rent the life from god for several decades, actually, there's nothing we can do to change the way the world is. We are just living creatures that count little, so stop pretend to be wise, stop trying to do anything to change the world, just be yourself, for you only exist in this world for these years, don't let go the opportunity to do the things you'd like to do.

It's been a long time since my dear dog's departure...

School days are very disattractive, I totally forgot about the sadness for such a long time until LAST night, when I lay on my bed listened to the son by D.A.I. which I listened when I buring chouchou... Her death suddenly came to me again...

I didn't wrote anything on that day, so I think it's time for me to write something to commemorize her.

She came to me when I was in senior school at the age of 18... I loved her the moment I saw her, and I vaguely felt that she would be an very important part of my life. Together, we spent almost 4 years, although most of the time I was not at home. During the vacation time I used to take a walk with her after meal everyday, she's exciting and I was just pleased to have a company who totally relied on me... Anyway, all these passed, this winter vacation I didn't go walking anymore for I have no company...

I regret a lot that I haven't taken enough photos of her, now time matches on, things of her is fading, I am not sure if I could remember how she looks in the future

Oh, I think I am not in the mood to continue my writing......

for someone's back.....

shit~~~~~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For my best doggy friend and beloved family member CHOUCHOU....................

I saw two movies today, don't kill me Baboon~~~ I do write my essay, but I also need some rest as well, right??

Brokenback mountain's a famous movie this year, it won so many awards and get nominated by the academy. I think it really deserves it after I saw the movie. It shows us something around us but always be neglected by us either intensionally or unconsciously. These people are weak, they should be paid attention to. They are more sensitive than most of us, may be just because they are in the group of people who may not be protected by the traditional ethnics. I am already getting tired of that all the stories about homosexuals end up in tragedy. So does this one. May be the author of the original book just wanna remind us of the minority group around us. We know little about their lives, we just taking too much for granted, thinking that they are abnormal, the swamp of disease or something like that. However, they are the same human being just like us. They're emotional, volnerable and lovely. Anyway, this is a sad story, yet, the other one I saw this afternoon turned out to be a tragic story too. Chinatown is a Roman Polanski movie starred Jack Nicholson, with these two, I have every reason to see the movie. It is advisable to see this one. It will be a shame if you fail to see such a good one. The script's perfect, and so is the movie. It is a cliffhanging movie. There were plenty of clues but didn't make any sense, at least it seemed so. As the story went, you got the idea clearer. At the same time, you got more mist in the story till the last ten minutes, everythings clear. The heroine died and the detective was driven away. I also wanna appreciate Jack's performance, PERFECT!!~~I gotta go and do my job, the damn essay........

This is my last day at school this semester, most of my fellow students are already at home...

I stay just to going to the city and by some books related to my major and my future graduate school, I spent nearly 100 on 3 books about literature: The history of American literature and some excepts of the most famous literature works... I found a book about Edgar Alan Poe, I'm so interested in it, yet I didn't buy it. For one thing, I haven't got enough money; for the other, I read the introduction which said that the book is pretty professional, and it is a book for English teachers of the English department or graduate students of this major. I give up!! I'm not so confident to read such a book. Maybe I'll just buy it and throw it away like the one by Saussure I bought before. What a waste!! OK!! Tomorrow I will be at home, I don't kown what to say, let's just stop here... Have a good vocation!!!!!~~~~

I've been watching lost these days, it's excellent. It is a surviving story about 48 survivors of an air crush. The stage is set in an isolated island, few people passes by and haunted by some unknow wild animals. Yet, these aren't the most despirate thing, the ego and devil inside human nature scares them more. In this group of 46, you can find people of different races, ages, countries, careers and education background... it could be a reflection of real society. As the story marches on, you'll find out everyone in this group is talented. They've got hunter, doctor, soldier and so on... I don't wanna repeat the story right now, all I wanna say is that there is something deep inside LOST which is worth exploring. This is good TV program. We can see the story from varied perspectives, then you'll get different conclusions such as How to survive in the wild or When a person's dying what's inside his mind... It's a story about human nature after all, in such a circumstance, an uncivilized world, no ethic criteria, all the things they do is movitated by a simple desire-----to live. They use all means to acheive that goal, the worst side of human is exposed without any disguise, selfish, cruelty, greed, violence... But most of them is coorpating and trust each other under a tense and subtle balance, once the balance is broken their little society gotta ruin

I just gonna stop here go straight to see the next episode of lost.......

0:00am-12:00pm sleeping

12:00pm-1:30pm wandering

1:30pm-2:10pm having lunch

2:10pm-8:00pm watching movies

8:00pm-9:00pm wasting(slipping away)

9:00pm-now continous watching movies except that when I write my diary

That's how I spent the 1st day of 2006. I am already 23 and the time just marches on which is killing me...whether like or not I gonna spent the next few days cramming for the final examination or I will fail and make up for it in next semester. I don't think that's a good idea anyway...But first, I have to do my tutor job tomorrow morning. That should be this morning in fact. I didn't do my job all because I was out and sleepless the night before yesterday. Now you see, I've got the consequences of lacking of sleep during the night and I don't want to experience it one more single time.

Let me talk about the movies I watch this afternoon. Lost Highway this is a film by David Lynch. It is just like all his works, eerie stories, discontinuous scenes and blood plus sex, all these just told me one thing, David Lynch's a mad man, he's out of his mind. Just like Blue Velvet and Muholland Drive I don't like this movie. Maybe my brain works too slow to catch up with his, I just can not understand many things of his movies. The sex seems too far-fetched and the corpse looked like a fake one, all these thing are gathered for sensory purpose.